Do we need a funeral director?

Short answer, No!

For too long there has been an air of mystery surrounding the process of what happens when a person dies, the entire subject has become quite taboo within the western world and people no longer feel comfortable to ask the questions that they have. These taboos have been reinforced at least in part, by a Funeral industry which over the years has sought to offer a ‘complete service package’ to everyday consumers – positioning itself to be a one stop death shop and the costs for this convenience have continued to increase. What they have not provided is often detail about what their services truly involve or any indication or offer to a family to keep control over their loved one, over all or some of those processes… in short, through a lack of understanding and transparency we have handed over the care of our dead and control of the final funeral ceremony to external businesses without considering the social, emotional or financial implications of doing so.

You can keep a person at home with you. You can wash and dress your loved one. You can provide your own coffin or container and transport your loved one to a cemetery or crematorium yourself and engage those services to be carried out. You can plan the ceremony and conduct it or have a friend or family member do it for you. It can be as community minded and family lead as you are comfortable with. Being involved in the process in this way it can be not only a very special and intimate experience but a practical and cost effective one as well.

You can have as much or as little control over the process as you would like.

By making the conversation about death and dying, just another part of life we aim to be part of the ever-growing movement taking the death and dying journey away from the neat packages of the funeral industry and back into the hands of families.

Do we need a coffin and are they really reused?

It has been our experience that coffins are not generally reused. They are sold to the consumer as a necessary purchase and there is no alternative offered.

But that’s not to say that they can’t be.

In relation to burials, it is not actually necessary to purchase a coffin – it is, in Tasmania (legislation can change from State to State), permissible for a coffin to be ‘loaned’ to a family for a burial. This would be an option if the family wanted a natural or ‘shroud’ burial. The only restriction is that the coffin must not be a specific bio-degradable construction and it must be able to be steam cleaned/disinfected between use. This means that the cost of coffin purchase is not actually a necessity. In international repatriation, it is a requirement that the coffin transporting the human remains be metal lined. This metal lining can fit inside a coffin and be removed and cleaned, leaving the integrity of the solid coffin intact.

When it comes to transport, a coffin is not necessarily required either. According to the Burial and Cremation Regulations 2001, human remains can be placed in any coffin, container or tray that can prevent the escape of bodily discharges, contaminants or infectious materials. A re-usable coffin would be suitable for these purposes as well.

For cremation, sufficiently robust body bags suitable for cremation can be found available for purchase online around the world however that is not necessary either and for minimal impact a cremation or burial can occur using just a shroud. It is possible for you to seek permission from a crematory manager for a cremation to be carried out in this way. Crematorium management does have the option of denying the request if they feel the ‘container’ would damage their equipment or if it would be injurious to public health and safety.

What is a Natural Burial, how does it work?

Natural Burial is the most environmentally friendly way of dealing with a deceased person. It is better for the environment than cremation or traditional burial which are at present the only other 2 options available to us in Tasmania and Australia. There are other new ways being developed all the time and some exciting things happening in what is being called “Green Death-Tech”, eventually these even more sustainable methods will find their way into public use. But we are not there yet. For now, natural burial is it.

Presently, we know of no specifically dedicated natural burial ground in Australia. There are sections of existing traditional and lawn cemeteries that have given over sections of land for natural burial, but not a cemetery that exists only to bury the dead in a natural and sustainable way. They are all over the UK and USA and Australia is edging ever closer to having our own here as well.

It is worth noting, that some of the existing natural burial areas are called such, more for their bush style location rather than the way they allow burials to take place. Of most concern is the depth of the graves dug in these areas and what checks and balances they have in place to ensure what goes into the ground is in fact all natural. These are good questions to ask if you are considering burial in one of those areas.

A natural burial is one that occurs in a shallow depth grave. The deeper you lay a deceased body in the earth, the slower the decomposition becomes and the less the earth receives from the remains. Tasmanian legislation states that the human remains need to be completely covered in soil, one meter deep at its shallowest point. Legislation changes from State to State but we know in the UK this requirement is the same. This is why you will often see graves mounded up above the top of the ground, to still allow a meter of soil while burying the body at an optimal depth. Even without this, one meter still allows for a much faster decomposition, simply because the soil is warmer higher up and has more insect and bacteria life within it.

But it’s not all about depth. With a natural burial, you must consider –

  • There can be no prior chemical treatments. Sometimes, bodies are embalmed – a process through which all of the blood is pumped out of the deceased person and replaced with a fluid that significantly slows the rate of decomposition. Something that is also used from time to time is the process of temporary preservation. This is where every major organ in the body of the deceased person is pierced and a setting agent introduced to slow the decomposition, this slowing does not last as long as the embalming process.
  • What the body is wearing – only natural fibres can be on the body. That goes for clothing, shoes, hair ties, jewellery – everything. Most metals come from the earth and are permitted to return to the earth with a deceased person so things like gold tooth fillings or wedding rings are most often allowed.
  • You do not need a coffin. Some natural burial grounds would prefer you did not use one, some make it a requirement. Shrouds are commonly used to cover a deceased person and this is the best way to achieve the optimal goals for natural burial. If you do choose to use a coffin, it needs to be of bio-degradable and natural construction. Ideally, no screws. Certainly, no non-biodegradable plastic. There are some wonderful wicker, seagrass and bamboo coffins available and local to Tasmania, a natural recycled paper alternative (see the link PeacePod under our resources section). The burial ground may want to see the coffin before they agree to the burial, the integrity of what goes into the earth is very important for the process of natural burial.
  • You are limited by what you can put inside a coffin or shroud. Things made of plastic for example are not permitted. Hand written notes, letters and drawings are.
  • That natural burials are shallow depth and therefore single graves. You can have them side by side but not two deceased persons can share the one grave plot. Having said this, the plots are often still a financially viable alternative to traditional cemeteries.

When it comes to marking the grave site of a natural burial, some will allow a stone local to the area or a small plaque, others will not. Some will provide you with a GPS coordinate, some will not. One lovely idea from the UK was to create a roll of honour at the entrance – so while the individual graves were not marked the entire natural ground became that person’s legacy to the generations to come.

Natural burial is a responsible, sustainable and financially viable alternative.

What can I do myself towards a funeral?

You can put as much effort and planning into your own funeral as you like. And it can take any form.

The word ‘funeral’ brings up all sorts of connotations that seem to all be linked to the idea of traditional ceremony that is available through funeral homes – a celebrant, 3 pieces of music, montage of photos, a reading or two and a bit of catering after if you’re lucky.  In fact, a funeral can be whatever you want it to be.

Traditionally, a ‘funeral’ is a ceremony where the body in a coffin is present, a ‘memorial’ is a ceremony where it is not present (sometimes the ashes of the person may be there if they have already been cremated.)

You can have a ceremony at home, in a park, on a beach, in the bush, a meaningful place – anywhere you like. Some places will not permit you to take a body in a coffin to the venue – you do need to check that out first – however you can have a gathering of people just about anywhere.

You can record your after death wishes for the type of ceremony you would like and what it could include. You can also create wishes for other things as well. Such as –

  • Venue for ceremony
  • Time (evening, morning, sunset etc)
  • Ambience, incense, candles
  • Religious components or requirements
  • Celebrant or person (if anyone) you’d like to lead the ceremony
  • Colours and themes (a country feel for a farmer etc)
  • Musicians and music , live and recorded
  • Stories you’d like to be told – you can write your own eulogy
  • Messages for people that you would like to be included and given out
  • Photos, how to display them, share memories, create a montage
  • Ways of recording peoples’ attendance, it doesn’t just have to be a name on a page
  • Order of Service, booklet, bookmark or other record of the ceremony (if any)
  • Gifts for those attending (you can give out something personal from the deceased – a photo they took, a piece of their artwork or writing, a book from their collection etc)
  • Poems/readings to be read out
  • Catering after (or before) the ceremony
  • Wording for your death and/or funeral notice that will go in the paper
  • Registering of your death with State Authorities (your family can do this, in Tasmania the paperwork is available for lodgement through Service Tasmania, check with your local State Department of Births, Deaths and Marriages)

While traditional style Funeral Directors often take control, and do much of this for you, they do not have to. For some it can be a blessing and for others  it can make them feel a little more powerless in the situation than they otherwise would have been. Either way, you can be involved in the planning and orchestrating of all of these things to whatever degree you choose and as Funeral Professionals they can be engaged to do as much or as little as you want them to. But it is your choice, that’s the point.

When it comes to ceremony, it can be as formal or as informal as you like. Some of the most meaningful and memorable ceremonies come from a group of people, gathered together is a lounge room or around a table, all with the purpose of honouring the death and celebrating the life of someone near and dear to them. Sharing stories and memories, laughing and crying together, it can be a powerful and significant part of the grieving journey.

Can I die at home?

Yes.

With careful planning and consideration, the support services do exist to allow you or your loved one to die at home. There are some remarkable figures out there, some places report that over 70% of people would like to die at home and yet in Tasmania only about 30% achieve this. While it is not a decision that would suit everybody, it is an option.

Through conversations with palliative care organisations, hospitals, doctors, community nursing and death care providers, all the logistical considerations can be addressed. Of course, it is not an exact art, and part of the planning can be around contingencies if it becomes a situation that can no longer be managed comfortably by the family and carers.

Good and careful conversation and planning can go a long way to seeing that people are able to realise their desire to die at home.

What do I do when my loved one dies?

Stop. Breath. Put on the kettle.

When someone dies there is no urgency; it is not an emergency. There is nothing that you must do in that moment. Often people without that knowledge, will launch into a series of phone calls, planning and organisation without taking a moment to just be in that space with their loved one.

If you have chosen to die at home or keep your loved one at home, then generally you will already have done a good deal of planning to get to that point. If you have not, or the death occurs in a hospital, nursing or palliative care environment, then much of the planning may be still to come. In either case, it is not unreasonable to take the time to ‘be’, assimilate what you have been through and where you are going. Be gentle with yourself and do not be pushed into someone else’s time frame.

Whether you choose to have a formal traditional funeral, something alternative, a wake, a funeral at home or no ceremony at all is up to you and all the choices and planning can be made over whatever length of time you need them to be. Some might want it all done in 3 days, for others it can be longer.

When someone dies in a nursing home, palliative care facility or hospital

When someone dies in a nursing home, palliative care facility or in a hospital you need to notify a medical practitioner as soon as practicable. Much of the paperwork required after death will be initiated and completed by the medical staff on hand at the time. They will complete the Life Extinct form and place Identification on the body. They will contact a treating doctor, if one is not on hand, and arrange for the Medical Certificate Cause of Death to be completed as soon as possible and they will take instructions as to whether the Coroner’s office needs to be notified about the death, if the death is considered ‘reportable’. If this is not the case you do have the right to take that person home rather than to a funeral director’s facility.

For this discussion, the following supposes that the Coroners involvement is not required.

When someone dies at home

When someone dies at home, you are required to make a notification of the death – as soon as practicable. You can do this by calling a nurse or doctor who has been overseeing the care/treatment of the deceased. If they cannot be reached or if the death was sudden or unexpected, an ambulance or police officer will need to be notified – as soon as practicable – and they will determine if the Coroner needs to be notified.

Once you have notified someone, if not a Doctor, the person that you notify will then be required to notify a Doctor. The Doctor will then agree to complete a Medical Cause of Death Certificate – if the doctor doesn’t agree then the Coroner will be required.

Once the Doctor has agreed to complete the Medical Cause of Death Certificate, they have 8 hours to either attend the place of death or arrange for another medical practitioner or responsible person to attend. In reality, if the ambulance, nurse, police etc. is in attendance, they are also considered to be a responsible person.

If a Responsible Person is relied upon and the Doctor does not attend initially to create the Medical Certificate Cause of Death, a Life Extinct document needs to be completed by a ‘responsible person’ – there are guidelines as to who fits this criteria and they must be a person who is not a relative, not a beneficiary to any estate and has not had any financial dealings with the deceased in the last 5 years. A Life Extinct document is a form that is issued in triplicate (the white is the original which goes to the person who has custody of the deceased, the blue duplicate goes to the medical practitioner named on the form as going to be completing the Medical Certificate Cause of Death, the green copy is to be forwarded to the Registry of Births, Death and Marriages). Eventually, both the white and blue copies will end up with the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages. The Life Extinct form exists to be used when a Doctor cannot attend and complete the Medical Certificate Cause of Death within that eight- hour window.

There is no urgency when someone dies. There is time to stop, cry, put on the kettle and gather yourself and as soon as practicable, make the notification.

Once the agreement has been obtained by the Doctor to Complete the Medical Certificate Cause of Death, the responsible person can then complete the two tasks required of them, one is to complete what is called a Life Extinct form (all police, ambulance, nurses, doctors etc have access to these), the other is to place an approved identification tag on the deceased, if possible on their left arm. It should contain the person’s name and location. These can be obtained from hospitals and again, many of the ‘responsible people’ will have them at hand. This tag remains on the body as a permanent addition and there are rules in relation to who can remove it, how, why and under what circumstances.

Once these formalities are out of the way you can then go about considering ‘where to from here’. You have time. Most likely, people will be asking you which Funeral Home you would like to be contacted. Funeral Directors are optional, meaning you are not obliged or legally required to engage a Funeral Home.

From the time of death, the Executor of a person’s Will becomes the legally responsible person in relation to the body of the deceased. If the deceased has not left a legal Will appointing an Executor, the senior next of kin will be responsible for those decisions. With the agreement of the legally responsible person, a family, community, friend group etc can do as much or as little towards the death care of their loved one as they want to.

What do we do with the children?

Involve them.
If a child is old enough to notice someone’s presence then they will also notice someone’s absence.

Death is a natural part of life and generations ago both young and old lived with death as a part of their everyday existence. It has only been in the last few decades that we have begun shielding children from this natural event in a misguided effort to protect them from sadness. The immediate impact of this is that the child is then denied the ability to grieve like everyone else and say goodbye.

Another impact that seems to have happened is that entire generations of children have been raised never having experienced what it is like to have someone close to them die. The evidence of this is never more pronounced than when an adult child experiences the death of a parent and it is such a foreign thing for them that they do not know what to do, how to feel or how to reach the understanding of what their ‘new normal’ is going to be moving forward.

Children will only ever learn about death and dying from the examples they are set, from being included in the process of saying goodbye and being given the opportunity to reach their own understanding of mortality. Death is only the scary monster hiding under their bed waiting to get them, if we make it that way for them.

For everyone, but for children in particular, the language of death is important. Euphemisms like ‘gone’, ‘passed away’, ‘lost’, ‘departed’ all leave open the possibility that a person can be found or will return… it perpetuates confusion and promotes a lack of understanding around what death truly means.

Who has the final say over my end of life decisions?

If you choose to talk to people about your wishes and your options – you will!

There is a formal framework around death and dying, some of it is well known, some not so much. Both before you die and after, there are important structures that you can put in place.

Advanced Care Planning

An Advanced Care Plan is a document that goes into the details of what type medical procedures you would like to receive and social circumstances you would like around you, should you get to the stage in your dying where you are in need of end of life care. They ask questions about your values and beliefs, about your preferences for different treatments in regard to managing your life limiting illness or palliative care. You can nominate your Enduring Guardian or another party to speak for you, you can list medical outcomes that are unacceptable to you and it includes space for things you would like to maintain your quality of life.

This document can be given to your family and friends, Enduring Guardian, Power of Attorney – anyone involved in your care. It can also be lodged with hospital records in Tasmania (check out how it works in your State) and kept on file so it is there if ever it is needed. It can be retrieved and amended as needed as well.

Once created, this document can act as a guide for the medical community and your family and friends to assist in making decisions that are right for you.

Power of Attorney and Enduring Guardianship

A Power of Attorney is a document that appoints another person or persons to be in control of your financial decisions, should you become unable to make those decisions for yourself. It is a document that sits dormant until such time as it is made active, it can also be amended or withdrawn. This includes control of your money, spending etc.

An Enduring Guardianship is a document that appoints another person or persons to be in control of your medical, social and general welfare decisions, should you become unable to make those decisions for yourself. It is a document that sits dormant until such time as it is made active, it can also be amended or withdrawn. This includes control of your living circumstances, medical treatment etc. For an Enduring Guardianship to be active, it needs to be registered with the Guardianship Board.

In both cases, you do not have to appoint a next-of-kin or close family member to these positions, you should consider someone who will be available to you and someone you trust to make the right decisions for you. We will always encourage to you to talk to the people around you, family and friends… no matter who you choose, by making your wishes clear and known, it will help the nominated person(s) to know they are making the decisions as you would want them to be made.

There is a lot of information publicly available about these things, we would recommend seeking legal advice before making any final decisions.

Wills, Estates and Executors

People are often familiar with the concept of having a legal Will, and that the Will appoints an Executor who will be ultimately responsible for carrying out the directions in the document and finalising your Estate (most people, if they have something they would like to pass on to another, if they owe money, have savings or money owed to them – will all have some kind of Estate that needs to be finalised.)

Your Executor has the final say once you have died. Their directions can override that of the next-of-kin if they are not the same person and so you should make your choices wisely and have detailed conversations with your chosen Executor, make sure they understand your wishes and that you have the confidence that they will carry those wishes out.

While you do not have any obligation to notify your nominated Executor that they are in fact nominated as your Executor, talking to them openly and honestly is the best way to handle it. Similarly, you do not need to tell them what instructions are in your Will, however if you would like the certainty that the person is willing to carry out those instructions, is it best to talk them through it.

When is the best time to start considering death and dying?

Now is the best time to consider your death and dying or that of your friends and family if you have not already done so.

Too many people don’t think about it at all until it is too late; until the reality of their circumstances forces them to think about and deal with death, up close and personal. It is quite a cruel thing that in the midst of grief and loss, people are called upon to make incredibly important decisions that they cannot take back. Often, they are decisions based on a limited set of choices laid out before them and this can be coupled with a sense of urgency. There is no urgency.

It is not uncommon that people who have had the conversation with their loved one prior to death, report upon reflection, their journey through the dying and death of that loved one was a much easier process – much gentler in many ways. It removes the burden of ‘what if’ from the decision making and allows family to move forward in a more cohesive manner.

It is not just the ageing but also people who receive terminal diagnosis or people who find themselves living with life limiting illnesses that will – or should – consider their own mortality. In many ways, for each of us, it can be a humbling and much needed perspective through which to view the world.

Death is not the enemy, it is the final result of a life lived and that journey is worth the conversation.

What is a shroud and can they be used for burials and cremations?

A shroud is a piece of material that is used to wrap a body. It can be purpose made, shaped and sewn to fit a body, or it can simply be material wrapped around a body. At present, according to the Tasmanian Director of Public Health, a shroud is defined as having four layers of material.

A shroud can be decorated in many ways, some people will decorate their own and at other times entire families will get together and bond and grieve over the pictures and messages they decorate it with.

Because shrouds are often used in natural burials, they are most commonly made with natural fibres such as unbleached calico. Materials that are protein bases will decompose at the same rate as a body, hemp fibres will generally decompose faster than that. The decorations are made using natural substances as well, water based paints, cottons etc. In Tasmania (legislation can vary from State to State), it has been indicated that a shroud burial is a perfectly acceptable and permissible method of burying a deceased person. This means that the body goes into the earth without a coffin – only with the shroud wrapping. Many cultures have done this for centuries, it is not anything new. It is however a more environmentally friendly, natural and sustainable way of returning a body to the earth.

The idea/practice of Shrouded Cremation is an old one, but it is a relatively new introduction to Tasmania and there are some wonderful people working in the Death Literacy space who can be credited with making this available, as well as the progressive attitudes of some Crematorium Management. Southern Tasmania has a public Crematorium at Cornelian Bay where this is possible. With privately owned Crematoriums it is up to the management of each individual business whether they allow private cremations or not.

Whether a Shrouded or a Coffin Cremation is to take place, the management of a Crematorium must be able to be satisfied with the identity of the deceased. They must have the signed Cremation Permit and the coffin or Shroud Bearer or Cradle needs to show the nameplate – in all cases the Management must be certain there are no discrepancies. At present the Tasmanian Burial and Cremation Regulations 2015 states that the Crematorium Management must receive the body from a prescribed business and to that effect there are End of Life Doulas who may satisfy that requirement and if so are able to accompany you as your family transports the body to the Crematorium. Alternatively, you may choose to engage the services of a Funeral Home or a Mortuary Transfer Service just for this process. Once in the care of the Crematorium Management, there are certain requirements that they must be satisfied of before accepting the body and after they accept there exist strict guidelines in relation to the storage, handling and security of the body.

A family is able to request being present to witness the cremation process. It is up to the discretion of the Management, however the Burial and Cremation Act 2002 in Division 2(16) does stipulate that ‘a Crematorium Manager must not, by any act, matter or thing, hinder or disturb the performance of any religious or cultural ceremony in the Cremation of human remains’ and ‘A Crematorium Manager must permit a representative of any religious or cultural group to exercise any religious or cultural practices in connection with the cremation of human remains without any hindrance or disturbance by the Crematorium Manager or any other person’. (Similar rights exist in relation to Burials in Division 3(22)).

How does organ donation and body bequest work?

There is a national register for organ donation and the ways of becoming a registered donor and all the information can be found on the website – https://register.donatelife.gov.au/

Body bequest is a little different. People know of it, but they don’t know a lot about it. Not every bequeathed body can be accepted, and there are several factors that come into play when the decision is being made about accepting a body donation. It is wise to have an alternate plan for what you would like to happen if your body bequest is not accepted and to ensure your family, Executor and next of kin are aware of your choices.

It is a common misconception that you only need to put your bequest wishes in your Will or let your next-of-kin know and it will simply happen. In fact, you need to make your bequest while you are alive and there is paperwork that is required from you. Once you are dead or no longer able to make that decision for yourself, the donation cannot be accepted.

Further information can be found here –http://www.utas.edu.au/health/community/programs/body-bequest-program

How do I contact You n’ Taboo?

We are happy to hear from you. You are welcome to call, send an email or attend one of our events or meetings. Where possible we are happy to meet up for a cuppa and a chat to answer all of your queries and curiosities.

If you are a journalist or otherwise member of the media, we’d be happy to chat to you as well, we would however appreciate an email first with a semi-formal introduction.

Click HERE for all our contact details.

What is an End of Life Doula?

What is an End of Life Doula? An End of Life Doula is a non-medical person who holds space for and practically assists a dying person and their family. Generally, they are engaged prior to the death of a person and their role and function is as personal and individual as the dying and their circumstances. They can provide emotional support and practical assistance while walking the path with the family. For more information, please see our page, End of Life Doula.

What is a Family Led Funeral

A Family Led Funeral is one where the Family take ownership of the body of their loved one and they go about looking after them and arranging all of the necessary steps required to hold a service and have a Burial or Cremation take place. They are able to engage an End of Life Doula – or a willing Funeral Director – to assist them with some or all of the arrangements and tasks.

For more information, see our page Family Led Funerals.

WHAT DOES THE LEGISLATION SAY ABOUT COFFINS?

The issue of coffins is an important one. Often the coffin is quite a considerable portion of the cost of a commercial funeral – after the Funeral Home’s professional fees, it can be the next most expensive single item, and there are many options that can be relatively unknown to the general public. There is not as much regulation around the use of coffins as the general public is often led to believe:

  • There is no regulation suggesting that a coffin or casket must be purchased from a Funeral Director.
  • A coffin or casket may be purchased from an independent coffin or casket designer/producer or supplier, in which case, it is usually produced to comply with regulation requirements.
  • A person is able to make their own coffin or a family can make one for their loved one. There are two coffin clubs in Tasmania – one in the north and one in the south – both of which support people through the process of making a coffin. In relation to the construction of a coffin, the requirements are relatively simple. The coffin must have an impervious lining and be of sufficiently robust construction to enable the remains to be disposed of in accordance with the Act. There is no specification regarding the thickness of materials.

The final say as to the acceptability of a coffin or casket supplied by a family rests with Crematorium Management in Tasmania. The Manager of a Crematorium has the right to refuse a coffin if they feel it may damage their equipment or be injurious to public health and safety. Another thing to note is that a nameplate is required to be on a coffin at all times, stating the family name and at least one given name of the deceased and it should correspond with the name on the identification tag on the body of the deceased.

If the body is the subject of a Shroud Burial of Cremation then it is possible to transport that body wrapped in a Shroud and on a Shroud Bearer or Cradle, which is a tray, designed for that purpose – as long as it meets the legislative requirements already discussed. A Shroud Bearer or Cradle constructed of natural materials can be placed in the ground as part of a Natural Burial. If a cremation is the choice, then the shroud bearer will be cremated along with the body. The decision to conduct a shroud burial or cremation eliminates the cost of expensive coffins and avoids the burying or burning of veneered particleboard or solid wood coffins, thereby reducing the environmental impact as well.

CAN’T FIND WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?